Pagi ini gw menemukan artikel yang bagus banget isinya, yaitu cerita tentang seorang laki - laki yang baru aja divorce, kemudian dia share beberapa tips bagaimana caranya untuk mempertahankan rumah tangga yang notabene merupakan hal yang susah - susah gampang. sebenernya artikel ini lebih berisi ke pesan untuk para pria, tapi bisa lah dipikirkan dengan cara sebaliknya, karena kan di dalam pernikahan kan bukan cuma suami yang harus selalu menjaga keutuhan rumah tangga tapi juga sang istri. setuju? :) here we go..
Below are 20 wise marriage tips from a man that was recently
divorced. You wouldn’t normally think that a divorced man would give
good advice on being a husband, but this man has been through enough
hardship to know what is worth fighting for.
MARRIAGE ADVICE I WISH I WOULD HAVE HAD:
"Obviously, I’m not a relationship expert. But there’s something about
my divorce being finalized this week that gives me perspective of
things I wish I would have done different… After losing a woman that I
loved, and a marriage of almost 16 years, here’s the advice I wish I
would have had…"
1) Never stop courting. Never stop dating. NEVER EVER take
that woman for granted. When you asked her to marry you, you promised to
be that man that would OWN HER HEART and to fiercely protect it. This
is the most important and sacred treasure you will ever be entrusted
with. SHE CHOSE YOU. Never forget that, and NEVER GET LAZY in your love.
2) PROTECT YOUR OWN HEART. Just as you committed to being the
protector of her heart, you must guard your own with the same vigilance.
Love yourself fully, love the world openly, but there is a special
place in your heart where no one must enter except for your wife. Keep
that space always ready to receive her and invite her in, and refuse to
let anyone or anything else enter there.
3) FALL IN LOVE OVER and OVER and OVER again. You will constantly
change. You’re not the same people you were when you got married, and in
five years you will not be the same person you are today. Change will
come, and in that you have to re-choose each other everyday. SHE DOESN’T
HAVE TO STAY WITH YOU, and if you don’t take care of her heart, she may
give that heart to someone else or seal you out completely, and you may
never be able to get it back. Always fight to win her love just as you
did when you were courting her.
4) ALWAYS SEE THE BEST in her. Focus only on what you love. What you
focus on will expand. If you focus on what bugs you, all you will see is
reasons to be bugged. If you focus on what you love, you can’t help but
be consumed by love. Focus to the point where you can no longer see
anything but love, and you know without a doubt that you are the
luckiest man on earth to be have this woman as your wife.
5) IT’S NOT YOUR JOB TO CHANGE OR FIX HER… your job is to love her as
she is with no expectation of her ever changing. And if she changes,
love what she becomes, whether it’s what you wanted or not.
6) TAKE FULL ACCOUNTABILITY for your own emotions: It’s not your
wife’s job to make you happy, and she CAN’T make you sad. You are
responsible for finding your own happiness, and through that your joy
will spill over into your relationship and your love.
7) NEVER BLAME your wife If YOU get frustrated or angry at her, it is
only because it is triggering something inside of YOU. They are YOUR
emotions, and your responsibility. When you feel those feelings take
time to get present and to look within and understand what it is inside
of YOU that is asking to be healed. You were attracted to this woman
because she was the person best suited to trigger all of your childhood
wounds in the most painful way so that you could heal them… when you
heal yourself, you will no longer be triggered by her, and you will
wonder why you ever were.
Allow your woman to
8) JUST BE. When she’s sad or upset, it’s not your
job to fix it, it’s your job to HOLD HER and let her know it’s ok. Let
her know that you hear her, and that she’s important and that you are
that pillar on which she can always lean. The feminine spirit is about
change and emotion and like a storm her emotions will roll in and out,
and as you remain strong and unjudging she will trust you and open her
soul to you… DON’T RUN-AWAY WHEN SHE’S UPSET. Stand present and strong
and let her know you aren’t going anywhere. Listen to what she is really
saying behind the words and emotion.
9) BE SILLY… don’t take yourself so damn seriously. Laugh. And make her laugh. Laughter makes everything else easier.
10) FILL HER SOUL EVERYDAY… learn her love languages and the specific
ways that she feels important and validated and CHERISHED. Ask her to
create a list of 10 THINGS that make her feel loved and memorize those
things and make it a priority everyday to make her feel like a queen.
11) BE PRESENT. Give her not only your time, but your focus, your
attention and your soul. Do whatever it takes to clear your head so that
when you are with her you are fully WITH HER. Treat her as you would
your most valuable client. She is.
12) BE WILLING TO TAKE HER SEXUALLY, to carry her away in the power
of your masculine presence, to consume her and devour her with your
strength, and to penetrate her to the deepest levels of her soul. Let
her melt into her feminine softness as she knows she can trust you
fully.
13) DON’T BE AN IDIOT…. And don’t be afraid of being one either. You
will make mistakes and so will she. Try not to make too big of mistakes,
and learn from the ones you do make. You’re not supposed to be perfect,
just try to not be too stupid
14) GIVE HER SPACE… The woman is so good at giving and giving, and
sometimes she will need to be reminded to take time to nurture herself.
Sometimes she will need to fly from your branches to go and find what
feeds her soul, and if you give her that space she will come back with
new songs to sing…. (okay, getting a little too poetic here, but you get
the point. Tell her to take time for herself, ESPECIALLY after you have
kids. She needs that space to renew and get re-centered, and to find
herself after she gets lost in serving you, the kids and the world.)
15) BE VULNERABLE… you don’t have to have it all together. Be
willing to share your fears and feelings, and quick to acknowledge your
mistakes.
16) BE FULLY TRANSPARENT. If you want to have trust you must be
willing to share EVERYTHING… Especially those things you don’t want to
share. It takes courage to fully love, to fully open your heart and let
her in when you don’t know i she will like what she finds… Part of that
courage is allowing her to love you completely, your darkness as well as
your light. DROP THE MASK… If you feel like you need to wear a mask
around her, and show up perfect all the time, you will never experience
the full dimension of what love can be.
17) NEVER STOP GROWING TOGETHER… The stagnant pond breeds malaria,
the flowing stream is always fresh and cool. Atrophy is the natural
process when you stop working a muscle, just as it is if you stop
working on your relationship. Find common goals, dreams and visions to
work towards.
18) DON’T WORRY ABOUT MONEY. Money is a game, find ways to work
together as a team to win it. It never helps when teammates fight.
Figure out ways to leverage both persons strength to win.
19) FORGIVE IMMEDIATELY and focus on the future rather than carrying
weight from the past. Don’t let your history hold you hostage. Holding
onto past mistakes that either you or she makes, is like a heavy anchor
to your marriage and will hold you back. FORGIVENESS IS FREEDOM. Cut the
anchor loose and always choose love.
20) ALWAYS CHOOSE LOVE. ALWAYS CHOOSE LOVE. ALWAYS CHOOSE LOVE. In
the end, this is the only advice you need. If this is the guiding
principle through which all your choices is governed, there is nothing
that will threaten the happiness of your marriage. Love will always
endure.
In the end MARRIAGE isn’t about Happily ever after. It’s about work.
And a commitment to grow together and a willingness to continually
invest in creating something that can endure eternity. Through that
work, the happiness will come.
Marriage is life, and it will bring ups and downs. Embracing all of
the cycles and learning to learn from and love each experience will
bring the strength and perspective to keep building, one brick at a
time.
"These are lessons I learned the hard way. These are lessons I learned too late. But these are lessons I am learning and committed in carrying
forward. Truth is, I LOVED being married, and in time, I will get
married again, and when I do, I will build it with a foundation that
will endure any storm and any amount of time."
"If you are reading this and find wisdom in my pain, share it those
those young husbands whose hearts are still full of hope, and with those
couples you may know who may have forgotten how to love. One of those
men may be like I was, and in these hard earned lessons perhaps
something will awaken in him and he will learn to be the man his lady
has been waiting for. The woman that told him ‘I do’, and trusted her life with him, has been waiting for this man to step up.
"If you are reading this and your marriage isn’t what you want it to
be, take 100% responsibility for YOUR PART in marriage, regardless of
where your spouse is at, and commit to applying these lessons while
there is time."
"MEN - THIS IS YOUR CHARGE: Commit to being an EPIC LOVER. There is no
greater challenge, and no greater prize. Your woman deserves that from
you. Be the type of husband your wife can’t help but brag about."
Source:
http://www.viralnova.com/20-marriage-tips/
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